Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Dating a Bossy Girl

Does your girlfriend boss you around? Do you like her some of the time, love her once in a while, but hate to be with her when she is bossy? What brought you to this predicament?
Many people who breakup with a former lover or spouse often meet and even marry the first person they date before they are fully recovered from their breakup. If this happened to you, then you had no time to discover: who you were, what you wanted in a new partner, and who your new girlfriend really was.

It is easy to meet someone, feel some level of chemistry, and think you are in love. Especially when you are needy. Lots of projection of who you want her to be, denial of the obvious danger signs, and illusions happen when you feel abandoned and betrayed. It's a sad situation but a common human error that happens over and over. If you keep dating "bossy" or if you move on looking for another relationship, take a look at:

1. Running Away
Do you want to run away from the bossiness? If you leave any relationship suddenly, without talking it through with your partner, you will be walking through your life incomplete. You will take all the unresolved issues the two of you had and carry them into your next relationship. Find a counselor and do the work now. Learn everything you can. Take a look at who you are attracted to, what your relationship patterns are, and what parts of your parent's relationship you are recreating.

2. Problems with boundaries
Do you let other people boss you around? Do you understand boundaries and how to use them? If you are being bossed around, you may not grasp how you are allowing it. If your girlfriend won't go to counseling with you, go alone. This is how you save your next partnership before it begins.

3. Looking for Love
Do you put up with bossiness because you want to be loved? Almost everyone will sacrifice a lot of intolerable stuff in order to have a mate. Men are especially vulnerable to falling into another woman's arms right after a breakup. However, without down time and growth time, you will find you have fallen into the desperation trap. The point is this: your problems are not what SHE is doing to you. Your problems come from what YOU are not doing for you. Unfortunately, fear speaks louder than good sense. Fear of being alone can drive people to disastrous choices. Find the answers to what would make your life happy. Do this before you meet someone.

4. Defining your Life
Take a time out from being bossed and build a new foundation. You need to have a hold on the following: finances, career, health, friends, and a clear idea of your values. When these bricks are under you and you are excited about life, you will be able to choose someone who is right. Until then, you will be looking for someone to make you feel better.

When you meet someone and have a rush of good feelings, you may think you have found the answers to your problems. However, that rush wears off if you haven't handled your foundation. Then, you think your unhappiness is her fault. It's no one's fault, but it is your responsibility to get your life in order. It means that the path to your fulfillment is yours to travel.
Learn how to give yourself comfort, find friends to hang out with, and live your life in a way that makes you proud. Do the above-and no one can boss you around.

Visit Or for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our Free Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single's coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)
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